I have been married for 7 years. Me and my wife have had pr

I have been married for 7 years. Me and my wife have had problems since the beginning. I would say at first I was the biggest issue. Now, for the past 4 years, my wife has slowly gotten more verbally abusive. When we are getting along, it is not so bad. Small comments about how she doesn't approve of certain things. But when she is upset, I get everything from not a man, not a good father, to she made a mistake with marrying me. I usually get blamed for making her upset and when I try to address the things she said, it makes her upset even more. She says this is mostly in my own head and I have mental issues. May I just ask for some feedback. A few weeks ago, my wife got a team shirt for a step daughter for volleyball. My wife ordered one for herself. She told me when she got it, she noticed her shirt had her ex's last name on it the same as our step daughters. I told her that she needed to order another one that had "Mom" or something else on it and that I did not like her wearing that shirt. She said that she was going to wear it no matter what I wanted. I then told her I would not be sitting with her at the games. She laughed and call me crazy. While at the game, my sister in law asked why I was not sitting with her and she told her the story and I was being too insecure over it. Our kids were present when she said that. I am not that upset about the shirt, I am really upset that we did not discuss the issue more. I was basically told that she was going to do whatever she wanted. I am upset that she said that in front of our kids and sister in law. She says there was nothing wrong it what she did and I am the one at fault. Was I? Please be honest. I need some straight talk

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Was she responsible for ordering the shirt and indicating what names she wanted on the shirts, or did someone else make the error? It's hard for me not to think that this may have been deliberate on her part, to get a reaction from you. I don't know her, but the thought crossed my mind.
Abusive people never take responsibility for what they do or say... everything will always be your fault. Clearly she isn't respecting your feelings about the shirt, and lacks the sensitivity to see that it could be bothersome. I wouldn't like it myself. It is almost an advertisement for her previous relationship to walk around with a shirt with her ex's name on it.
I would also be upset that she didn't talk the issue through with you. It's a common issue in abusive relationships... they do something wrong, and act like it is your fault, or your perception. None of which is true, but they are skilled at flipping things off them and on to you. They also play on your self-doubt, so that you take on the issue yourself and question what is wrong with you.. when the issue is actually - what is wrong with this dynamic, and can we talk it through and change it for the betterment of the relationship. Hope this helps give you clarity.

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