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Hey, I came across some comments re lack of sex with narcs..

Hey, I came across some comments re lack of sex with narcs...? I was under impression that they normally have a big sex drive? My ex is in his 20's but I felt I was the one who had to initiate sex and he would be ok with a long breaks without it, but then everyone has got different needs right? I also many times felt like he had no desire to have sex with me, but objectively ( as much as I can be ) he was not the best performer (he said he didn't have much experience ), so perhaps this is an individual thing? Although, towards the end of the relationship, before I finally broke up with him, he was getting more "manly" in bed...Any thoughts?

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AugWrath's picture
Aug 12

Sex was escapism, worship of her body and a diversions from the constant boredom & emptiness that she felt. These are the signals that the Narc sent out constantly, even when while Love Bombing me. The conflict between what she used to say and what signals she used to broadcast loud & clear used to mess me up something awful. These days I don't really pay that much attention to what people say, because words come easy. It's a lot harder to consistently fake actions.

Aug 12

Mine knew withholding affection was what would hurt me the most. It played into his way of making my self esteem low. He said he had issues with intimacy that he was working on in therapy - not true. He would never DARE to look that close at himself, so fearful of what he would find. Any lack of sex we had, he found with another woman. He told me they had better chemistry, that something was missing with us. After 1.5 years, something was missing... And that he "tried so hard" to have t with me. What a ****. I felt so rejected so many times. He knew this hurt me the most, and day after day he had no remorse doing it. Could look me in the eye and tell me he loved me. He just liked having a nice place to stay, someone to cook him food, and pay for things. Who wouldn't?

Aug 13

@halfempty75 @AugWrath wow, this all so spot on. I still don't know if my ex was a narc or just simply immature, but I can relate with a loooot of this. He would be dozing our meetings, choosing his friends and whatever he wanted to do at the time over me, leaving me feeling rejected, and when he was finally "choosing" me we would be doing something "special" but I really thought that it was because he is special. The thing is he made me believe that he is this amazing guy, but now I really have no clue who he is. Sometimes he would be so subtle in saying that I am crazy and have problems, he was mixing it with kindness, he seemed to have empathy saying "oh honey , I don't want you to feel this way" in a sweet way, but then his actions would again confirm that he does not consider my feelings at all. But I thought that he is just young and he will grow up from it.I am still very confused. I feel pain in my chest all the time and I am struggling to function normally. I do not eat or sleep properly for a week now and although I feel that I am slowly progressing, my hands are shaking for no reason and I feel afraid but I have no reason to be. I don't get how this happened and whether perhaps it is me who is exaggerating the situation? Because nothing was obvious and I was just wondering all the time what is happening and why he is acting like that, trying to get the answers, but nothing made sense. When I exposed him, he said "who are you, I don't know this person" but this is exactly what I thought about him. Am I making all this up? But then none of my previous exes made me feel that way...

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