What do you do when you find yourself wanting to ask the nar

What do you do when you find yourself wanting to ask the narcissist questions? I ended the relationship so abruptly when I discovered his cheating that I never heard his side of the story. I find myself wanting to know what he was thinking at the time. Yes, he's a narcissist, but, the relationship was real to me. I know contacting him would be terrible for me but I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I feel I deserve answers. It's been 4 months since we broke up.

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[86245]
Oct 12

@Needtoknow71 It's a bit difficult to advise you without knowing what's going on with the credit card. But what I'd do is not talk to him about it -- rather call the credit card company and explain the situation. Sometimes the truth is your best bet. Tell them you're no longer with this person, and that you want a separate account in your name only. You don't want to be responsible for his use of the card. It's sort of like reporting a stolen card, where you don't want to be held responsible for charges that you didn't incur. Be firm, but polite, and let them know you're serious. You can even say you are not in contact with him at this point, and you're concerned that he may run up charges as a revenge tactic. I bet that you're not the only one with this issue -- and I think the company may be able to advise you best. If you try to deal with the narc, it may go on and on, and you'll get nowhere -- except sucked back into the narc vortex. After this issue is settled, my advice is to go totally no contact -- with no lines of communication left open. Good luck!.....

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Needtoknow71's picture
[820]
Oct 12

@pickone thank you so much! And his only issue was how we would pay what was due and then close the account. He said we both had to agree to it. I will take your advice and call the company myself, because I don’t trust that he will do what he says anyway. And I will definitely block him again. But this time, I’ll just change my email and deactivate the current one. Because if I keep the same one, I’m sure he’ll just keep creating new accounts. Ugh. I literally had an anxiety attack when I read his message about being so in love and praying we can finally talk and work out this “huge misunderstanding”

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[86245]
Oct 12

@Needtoknow71 That's why I advised you to call the company on your own -- you cannot come to an agreement with a narcissist!... Please don't believe a word he says -- it's a classic narc manipulative ploy to suck you back in (that's why they call it hoovering; it's named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner). Don't try to deal with him directly -- it won't work. Ask the company to help you, then change your emails and whatever else you need to, so that he's totally blocked from contacting you. Then stay 100% NO CONTACT!.....

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