Why do I miss someone that tells me on a regular basis how s

Why do I miss someone that tells me on a regular basis how stupid/idiotic/dense he thinks I am? Then disappears on me when I get upset about it. I'm sitting here missing this man???

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kelly72's picture
[22765]
Jul 16

When I was living in narcHell a few years ago, I found that The best way to get full of that narc was to spend a little more time with him. Crazy but true..let me explain...As long as he's away a lot and the two of you are not together you are going to hold on to more hope for the future...hoping the next time he comes home or wakes up that's he's going to be the man you met (the fake one). He's never going to be that man because he was a big pile of narc$h*t with a beautiful mask over it. The mask fell and now you're left with the big pile and it stinks. I know how awful it is to be with a narc and I know the first step of walking away is hard. Let me tell you what stage I think you're in...you're still at the point where you are part of the conversation with him possibly reacting and defending yourself. He provokes reactions so he can disappear and/or give the silent treatment. These are purposely done to let you know how unworthy and low you are. I was there. I began to not react or say anything back when he spewed his evil because I was SOOOO tired of it and could see it going Nowhere... so I ignored his fits but it worked in my favor. Here's why...It made him angrier and he tried bigger, meaner things and I could really see the major monster thus making me desire more to be away from him. His silent treatments and walk outs were also my time to plan. He thought I was silenced because his degradation of me was working and that I was sitting home crying over him. NO. The joke was on him. I used the time away and planned, I schemed, I thought out every possible avenue out but kept my mouth shut. Because he thought he was winning the narc relationship game his Jekyll and Hyde became more unpredictable with his nice moments so over the top fake but short lived (like seriously only 10 minutes sometimes) and his mean moments were beyond the heat of hell and becoming longer each time. That display of unbalanced was who he really was and was also the confirmation I needed to know it was time. You will get your belly full of this devil and I hope soon and not too late. Best of luck. SG is a great place to talk it out. Sending you hope, love and hugs and just know that narcFree land is absolutely beautiful. It's like a forever vacation that you don't have to pack up and leave from as long as you stay narc free. Prayers your way.

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[2200]
Jul 16

Thank you Kelly. Today I put my foot down more than I ever have. He reminded me that if I walked away he would ruin my life and/or kill me. Wonderful, I know. I just want to feel normal again, happy would be nice. I'm tired of feeling so...drained. I could be such a baby right now, I'm not going to be. I'm just going to put on a movie, make some popcorn, and try not to think. I'm glad you got to a narc free place in your life...crossing my fingers that I'll be there with you one day. <3

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kelly72's picture
[22765]
Jul 17

@hereforhelpgal You might not be in the place you need to be yet to leave him but you are definitely in a place you don't need to be!!! Those threats are so narc and don't take them lightly. If he's evil enough to say that to someone he is supposed to be devoted to then imagine the evil mess within him. I know you aren't there yet but threats like that mean Get Out. Get away and no contact. He'll only try to ruin your life for a while and if you let him through your wall. After that, he'll use new supply because you'll be hard to reach. If you stay....I hope and pray the other threat doesn't come true. You're waiting until you are truly tortured. It will get worse. I suggest accelerating this process and please allow me to comment on your "try not to think" .... don't stop thinking. He's doing this so you won't think. He's just trying to squash you because he sees you trying to be your own person instead of his supply. Think, think, think but don't think about ways to make it better with him....rather without him. We want you safe. SG cares.

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