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**possible trigger*** I cant handle anymore dreams. This

[1180]

**possible trigger***

I cant handle anymore dreams. This past week has been awful. And ive been thinking of ways i can kill myself tonight. I havnt gone into detail or made a plan. But ive been thinking of ways that i can die without being in pain. I just cant do this anymore. Ive had vivid ptsd dreams of multiple insidents with different people regarding differnt things, and its seriously so painful. I dont want sympathy, i dont even want to tell anyone. I havnt, besides writing on here tonight. I need these dreams to stop. I CANNOT deal with all of this greif at once. All these memories. Im not going to the hospital. The last place i want to be is there. I need these dreams to stop. HOW DO I MAKE THESE DREAMS STOP.

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[1180]
May 16

Well its been SO emotionally exhausting and traumatic that im not remembering it all. For me the biggest traumas are the multiple losses i had within a short period when i was 16. I was a care giver to my mom who had brain cancer and was beside her as she passed. Then multiole losses after. And i dont know how to end these dreams. I dont want any of them in my dreams to begin with. It was just mothers day, then the day after the day my grandpa passed, todays my birthday, i just want all the days to stop. I usually have vivid dreams and remember all of it all the time. But when theyre like this and i cant handle it i only remember bits and pieces. And then through out the day i get feelings and memories and it just hurts, like so much. My reality is confusing itself with my dreams. How do i change my dreams when i need these people to not be in my dreams AT ALL. canni change the people.. does that work.

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[2145]
May 16

@homefryy Oh my. Happy Birthday! Let's celebrate your birthday by ending these dreams. You suffered so much loss all at once. Near your Birthday. So many markers.
First of all you need to decide how you want your dreams to end. Be specific. Do you want your mother to sill be alive? Your grandpa be alive?
The end of your dream needs details. Where? When? Do you want to be fishing with your mother and grandpa? Eating a buffet at a restaurant?
B4 you go to sleep decide what the end of your dream will be. Exactly. Who is where, who says what, who does what, who dies, who lives. Then replay it in your sleep. It works. I know.

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[570]
May 17

I am so sorry you are going through ptsd and these dreams. I can feel your pain in your posts. What does your doctor say about these dreams? Are you seeing a therapist as well? I agree that whatever stresses we have during the day we often take with us to bed. I have noticed a pattern in my life that when I am particularly stressed about something (usually internal stress about something I can't resolve quickly) I wake up several times a night with insomnia...this can last a few days to a few weeks. And for many years I have had dreams about tidal waves which I understands is a sign of feeling overwhelmed? Anyways, I wish I knew more about these meds and their effects or had something else to tell you that would help. I will pray for you...that I can do!!!

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