I keep trying to figure out how to feel better but at the en

I keep trying to figure out how to feel better but at the end I end up researching ways to kill myself

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Bluecloud89's picture
[4470]
May 17

@Innerturmoil my fiance and I decided to wait to get married because of things my mom and brother said. I regret it now that I see how they changed when they thought I was leaving but they started to treat me badly again as soon as they found out that we had to postpone our plans. My mom even says how could you think that a man who is whole would ever truly want you. We're working on our future together but it often feels like I will never have the chance to be truly happy. Maybe happiness isn't for everyone

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Innerturmoil's picture
[7000]
May 18

@Bluecloud89 It sounds like the best thing you could do for yourself is get out of that situation... get away from them. What a disgusting thing to say to someone, never mind to one's own flesh and blood! It sounds to me like she wants to keep you away from him because she knows that you will not need her anymore, and she wont have you to use as her emotional punching bag! Is that what had stopped you from getting married.. The thing you need to remember is this... Not everyone is vile and filled with venom like your mom. She probably had things in her past that she is scarred from, and is projecting that on you. If you and your fiance love each other, then get married. If you live life not doing things because of the worries that something might go wrong, then you are missing out! Misery loves company, and your mom is afraid that she is going to be alone basking in her nastiness with no one to make suffer. Do not let her keep you from happiness. if I were you, and were in love with that man, and he in love with you, then I would make every effort to make it happen. Life is what you make it. It's not the chances that you tried and failed that you regret most... its the chances lost that you never took. Go get married and get away from that abusive mother. I cant believe anyone would say something like that. There are a lot of men who love with all of their hearts, who dont see the imperfections, flaws and things we can not do... But only see the love, goodness and beauty. If he loves you, and he is good to you, then do not let that woman ruin it and take any more from you. :)

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Bluecloud89's picture
[4470]
May 19

@Innerturmoil I know you are right. I know she is scared because of how horrible her marriage was. My father is a nasty son of a b*tch. They had "known each other and their families for years " before they got married. She can't accept that my fiance and I have had real conversation online. She can't see that he needs someone to need him and that some of his relationships have failed because of it. He doesn't love me because of my disability but he looks at it as part of me like my hair color. She says he's some sort of deviant because he is so good older than me and because I'm in a wheelchair. She says I have daddy issues. While I admit that I do have issues and scars I think if we can both see it and understand that it's going to be a factor in the relationship then that is OK. It's hard listening to her telling me "of course you know nothing " "I regret you were born " "you just want to hurt me. " "I will not be seen with you dressed like that go change " "you're filthy and disgusting " day after day. If I am holding on it's for him but I don't know how long I can last. I'm getting worse and worse.

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