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Hi everyone. I am currently in a relationship with someone w

[120]

Hi everyone. I am currently in a relationship with someone with ptsd. I have to say it’s extremely challenging. They constantly say that they are triggered. When we met over a year ago everything about this person seemed perfectly fine. I dated him for about 4 months before we started a relationship. He has two children and he is a single dad. Gradually I learned more and more. He had a pretty bad childhood growing up withou parents because he was taken away and split up from some siblings. He said he lived with a verbally and physically abusive family member. He joined the army went to Afghanistan and Iraq. He was married and that didn’t workout understandable same for me. The childrens mother is a pop in pop out type of person.I love this person very much and it seems he has a whole team taking care of him psychologically and physically.It just seems that he is broken and uses ptsd as a huge crutch. If he forgets it’s ptsd. If his kids are annoying him he’s triggered. The stuff that happened while he was deployed was over ten years ago. I try not to be judgemental but wonder if I really wanna be in this situation forever. I love him and his kids but sometimes I wish he was stronger and had better coping skills. Any suggestions?

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Blueberries1234's picture
[24900]
Jun 20

@Uww240 basicallt what aim saying is you need to encourage him to help HIMSELF. You dont heal him. You are NOT his mother or nurse or doctor. Unless you want to be, in which case you should go to school for it take some parenting classes etc., to be effective, but then you cant be his wife (doctors cant date their patients etc.). So you have to choose. I realized that me taking care of my partner and "helping", was just me trying to avoid focusing on my own life and goals. If I am not your helper/mother/healer... who am I? I will actually have to start thinking about what I wanf to do with my life and how ive never lived my dreams! We procrastinate facing our demons by facing theirs instead.

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[135]
Jun 20

@Blueberries1234 my issue right now is that someone told us that we’re toxic and to stop talking to each other. She said some mean things that made him melt down. We couldn’t even end on our own terms. Now he’s refusing to speak to me even when I text to ask if he’s ok. I don’t know if he’s not responding for space or for me to think he’s committed Suicide to get me to react because that has happened before for attention purposes. I don’t know whether I should just stop caring and not care about his wellbeing or what. I’m lost in what to do. I’m sure he’s reaching out to the veteran community with loads of blame shifting and make me feel better cries when all these people have historically given him bad advice which leads to worse situations

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Blueberries1234's picture
[24900]
Jun 24

@Uww240 I think it's good to forward him resources e.g. crisis line, and then respect his space. "No response is a response". You are not responsible for his emotions, feelings, or actions. Respect his space and right to choose. Focus on yourself and allow him to focus on himself. If he wants to be with you he will change himself. You must change yourself. Do NOT chase. It's exhausting and just makes people run or give silent treatments. Allow it to be and unfold naturally. Write one message "I care, but I interpret your lavk of response as an indication that you want space. I will respect your boundaries & give you space and time to heal." And then go be awesome and happy and live your life. It's a LOT better for everyone to allow people to learn to soothe themselves. By trying to fix, we remove the opportunity for people to be adults and self reliant. We cripple them and enable them by helping and offering 24/7 support. You arent a crisis line.

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